I accidentally had phone sex last night
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
