yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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