And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
