Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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