Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
