I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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