I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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