ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My vagina just recognized that song.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
