I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
