i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
