I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
