I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
