This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize