In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
