Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
