booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
