and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i dont even know how to be here
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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