were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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