pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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