cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
sarcasm needs its own font
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
