I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
