i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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