I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
