i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
