AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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