I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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