ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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