....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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