you would pick up someone in the library
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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