I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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