I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
