I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
