I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
