That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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