Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
