i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
