I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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