I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
