Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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