Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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