so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
