I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
