When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
