How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize