I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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