the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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