3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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