my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
