those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
