I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
