Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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