i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
