and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
