Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
