I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
