Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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