remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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