what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just pee around me
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
