i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
