Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
if only i could text you this smell
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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