I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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