everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
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