We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
