Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
