One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
