If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
