I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
