just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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