So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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