god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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