i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I puked a lego.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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