Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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