I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
