never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize
