fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
they need to just BURY HIM!
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Randomize
