im drinking this country out of the recession.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize