I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
