Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I intend to get homeless drunk
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize